Unleash hidden potential! 'So what?' challenges excuses & sparks self-reflection. A powerful tool for growth & communication.
Do you consider the phrase, So what? rude? You might be surprised at its potential. The next paragraphs may help you understand why it could also be a powerful tool to elicit information and uncover fears or weak arguments.
Nearly twenty years ago, this phrase changed my life, for the better. It revealed all the excuses I have collected to stay stuck in what I called life back then. The guy who asked the question was a full-time world traveller, jobbing as a tour guide in between exploring new countries around the world. We fell for each other and he found the only way to find out whether we belonged to each other was to travel together for at least three months.
I told him that this wasn’t possible for me. I had commitments such as a job, apartment, car, family, and friends. He simply responded: “So what.”
When I tried to explain myself to him, I found that my reasons were mere excuses. They didn’t pass the stress test. My family would not go anywhere. My true friends would support my decisions. I could find another job, a place to live and a car once I was back.
A year later, I embarked on my life-changing journey around the globe. I travelled with my tour guide and we figured, we weren’t made for each other. But I kept going beyond those three months for another two years, meeting my husband, writing a novel, immersing myself in personal and professional development, and living abroad something I’d never considered before one person responded with ‘So what.’
'So what’ Meaning
Before sharing my story about my experience with the phrase ‘so what’, I checked its meaning. It’s often considered rude as it shows indifference to what is being said or brought forward as a defence.
“A rhetorical question meant to express that one is indifferent to or finds no importance in what's being discussed.” The Free Dictionary1
However, Michael Wynne Sellars2, a retired English teacher, shares on Quora3 an interesting take. He often would write at the bottom of a student essay, so what, because he wanted to know why he should care about what they had written.
So what, helps us to understand how something impacts us and if we want to act upon it. According to Wynne Sellars, “So what questions also analyse
Risks
Benefits
Threats
Unknowns”
Another response to What is the exact meaning of the "So what?" question? on Quora4 by Danny Roberts5 suggests asking ‘So what’ when creating presentations “to maintain this thought process and as a consequence, the sessions are normally much more appreciated.” Throughout the presentation, he may rephrase the question to ‘What are the implications?’ but finds that using it helps create engagement and as a knowledge check.
Looking at PhraseMix, ‘"So what?" means "Who cares?" Use this phrase when you think that something isn't important.’ Even though, that seems like a rude or casual phrase, it still uncovers that we don’t think of something as important enough to consider. And herein lies an important clue.
When people tell us something, they often want a listening ear rather than us fixing their problem or uncovering a weak argument. In such conversations, blurting out, ‘So what’ could be perceived as incredibly insensitive and hurtful.
Examples
Here are a few examples in different contexts of ‘So what’:
Casual: “Oh no, we missed the train.” “So what, the next one is in five minutes.” — Uncovering a misconception.
Presentation: "We've implemented a new recycling program." "So what?" — Prompting an explanation of the program's impact.
Business: “The report has not been received as scheduled.” “So what?” — Uncovering impact and solutions.
Objective: “The event is too far ahead. I don’t know what is going to happen in the meantime.” “So what, you can always cancel if something happens.” — Encouraging analysis of a potential solution - cancellation - without judgment.
Insensitive: “I can’t do this anymore. She is constantly complaining about work.” “So what, she might have a point” — Dismissing the first speaker’s feelings.
Idea: “This App would give people clues about their state of mind.” “So what? How would this app benefit people in their daily lives?" — Analyse the actual impact and relevance of the app's idea.
Self-reflection: "I am unsure about my next steps.” “So what?" — Reflecting on the implications of staying unsure.
Conclusion
So what? Why am I telling you this?
Because, sometimes this casual phrase can reveal our truth about a problem, a situation or an idea. It also can help formulate what we would like others to consider, do or support us with when creating a report, preparing a presentation, presenting a business case or sending an email.
Just as the tour guide responded with indifference to what I listed as my objections to giving up everything I knew and leaving my life, I uncovered my craving for something different.
While my life was full of order and security, his was full of adventure. If I had been fulfilled with my life at the time, perhaps, his response of ‘So what’ would have made me doubt his response rather than my reasons for objecting.
You can use ‘So what?’ when reflecting on an idea, a course of action or when being frustrated about the behaviours of others or their decisions. It may reveal, that something isn’t as important as you initially thought.
Or, when in response to others, it may challenge them to identify the flaws in their arguments or help to strengthen them. But be careful to distinguish whether a challenge or empathy is needed. Deliver 'So what?' with curiosity, not dismissal.
Remember, while asking ‘So what?’ has the power to elicit information and uncover fears or weak arguments it could also be perceived as rude and insensitive.
🌟At the fully virtual Speak Up Summit, I will speak about The People Focus: How Leaders Turn Pressure into Impact. This session will provide you with practical insights and a strategy to enhance your leadership effectiveness.
Join me and other changemakers on this transformative journey towards psychological safety at work. Secure your spot today and be part of the movement: www.thespeakupsummit.com #SpeakUpSummit
I have a limited number of free tickets up for grabs! Reply to this email to claim yours. For new subscribers, simply subscribe and reply to the welcome email. First come, first served!
https://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/so+what
https://www.quora.com/profile/Michael-Wynne-Sellars
https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-exact-meaning-of-the-So-what-question
https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-exact-meaning-of-the-So-what-question
https://www.quora.com/profile/Danny-Roberts-110